Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
