i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
