The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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