You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
