I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
