If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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