last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
