well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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