I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
