He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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