You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
