make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
