He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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