I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
where are you?
Hypothermia
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am available for nakedness
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
