I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Panties = found
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