PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the day after is always just damage control
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
