she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
