I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
