Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
