My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
