the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My ATM looks so different sober.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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