just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
