I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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