mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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