Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
