just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
