you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
NoShamevember. You game?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
