I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is wine microwaveable?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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