Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
