Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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