do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
