You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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