I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
