Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's never too late to be topless.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
