I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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