what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
