That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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