maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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