The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
