You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
