So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
