Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
