I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
