i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
