My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
