That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
