Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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