I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
