I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
