I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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