Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You may now shotgun with the bride
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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