my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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