I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
